Have you ever felt like your identity was tied to a single role or achievement, only to realize one day that it’s slipping away? That’s the question at the heart of Jane Green’s journey, and it’s one that resonates far beyond her story. Personally, I think what makes this particularly fascinating is how universal the experience is, yet how rarely we talk about it openly. Green, a bestselling author, found herself in her fifties, stripped of the ‘glamorous author persona’ she had meticulously crafted. What many people don’t realize is that this kind of identity crisis isn’t just about losing a job or a title—it’s about losing the narrative you’ve built your life around.
From my perspective, the most intriguing part of Green’s story is her raw admission of feeling like the ‘inadequate little girl’ she once was, but now in a woman’s body. This raises a deeper question: how many of us are still carrying childhood insecurities into adulthood, masked by the roles we play? Green’s decision to leave her marriage and escape to Marrakech is a bold move, but it’s also a metaphor for what so many midlife women (and men) face: the terrifying freedom of starting over.
Life coach Mhairi Todd calls this period the ‘identity tax,’ and I find that term especially insightful. It’s not just about losing something; it’s about the cost of letting go of the person you thought you were. What this really suggests is that midlife crises aren’t just about aging—they’re about awakening. Todd points out that we often live subconsciously, driven by societal expectations, capitalism, and the patriarchy. If you take a step back and think about it, how many of us have truly chosen our lives, rather than simply following a script?
One thing that immediately stands out is Todd’s observation that this breakdown can be a breakthrough. She argues that it’s the moment we stop living on autopilot and start asking, ‘What do I actually want?’ In my opinion, this is where the real magic happens. It’s painful, yes, but it’s also liberating. What many people misunderstand about midlife crises is that they’re not just about loss—they’re about rediscovery.
A detail that I find especially interesting is Todd’s emphasis on the role of trauma in shaping our identities. She’s right—we can’t build a fulfilling future without acknowledging the past. This isn’t just about therapy or life coaching; it’s about giving ourselves permission to be honest. For many women, as Todd notes, this is the first time they’ve ever truly been heard without judgment.
Now, let’s talk about the practical side of this transformation. Todd offers three exercises that, on the surface, seem simple but are profoundly powerful. The first is about identifying the areas of your life that need change and envisioning what a ‘10 out of 10’ would look like. Personally, I think this exercise is genius because it forces you to define success on your own terms, not society’s.
The second exercise focuses on finding the area that would create the biggest ripple effect if improved. This is where strategy meets self-awareness. What this really suggests is that change doesn’t have to be overwhelming—it can start with one small, intentional step.
The third exercise is about feeding your mind evidence of what’s possible, like listening to affirmations. While some might dismiss this as ‘woo-woo,’ I believe it’s about rewiring your brain to believe in your own potential. After all, if you don’t believe you can change, you won’t.
If you take a step back and think about it, the entire process of reinvention is about paying attention—to yourself, your desires, and your truth. Jane Green’s book, Rewilding, captures this beautifully. The title itself is a metaphor for returning to your authentic self, untamed and unapologetic.
In my opinion, the most important takeaway here is that midlife isn’t a crisis—it’s a crossroads. It’s the moment when you can choose to live someone else’s version of success or create your own. What makes this particularly fascinating is that it’s never too late to start. As Green puts it, ‘Nothing is about should anymore. It is about trusting yourself.’
So, if you’re feeling lost, overwhelmed, or like you’ve lost yourself, remember this: the breakdown is just the beginning. The real question is, who will you choose to become next? Personally, I think that’s the most exciting question of all.
